Continuation of marriage sermon- march 8, 2009

Bring Sexy Back- Flavor of Love
“How to make your spouse tick without ticking them off”
March 8, 2009

Secrets of Sensational Love:
First you need to know the definition of love.
Love- “Passionately, righteously and consistently doing what is in the best interest of the other person based on the Word and Will of God.”

Love that is not expressed is (goes without action):
- unbiblical
- useless
- worthless

You may be doing things that show you love them but they don’t take it as love. There are 5 love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Affection
- Quality Time
- Gifts
- Acts of Kindness

Your mate might not have the same love language as you do (most always do not) and you are expressing love but it is not the kind of love that your spouse needs to know that you love them.

For example: Mandrae and I have totally different love languages. He grew up with affection and so needs physical touch to feel loved and I grew up with gifts and I need gifts to know that he loves me. Sound shallow I know but it is usually how my family expressed our love. We both show each other love in the way we know and learned how to but that is not the ultimate love that the other needs. When Mandrae gets outta his comfort zone and buys me something or spends time to think of something to do for me I feel more love bc I know that is hard for him and it is easy for him to be affectionate with me. He feels more love when I am affectionate w him bc that is hard for me to do and real easy for me think of creative things to buys or lil things to do. Of course we both love all of it but that is how we can get the most love out of each other and feel sensational love.

Expectancy:
Expectations are a lens to manifestations.
Your mate is still in progress with their walk with Christ and will always be. They will not be completed until Christ comes.
Phil. 1:6
When you marry a believer their body might deteriorate but God is at work on the inside. Their life is appreciating and not depreciating in Christ.
Do not put your mate down or they might live up to the names you call them.
If your mate is not saved, pray they become saved.
Live on the outside what God has worked on you in the inside and that will make a difference and could be used to change your spouses heart.
God knows when we are stressed or when times are rough and he has taken us through so much so that when trials come the good he put inside you will come out of you.
Phil. 2:13
Do not give up on your spouse bc God is at work inside them.
Someone once sd that if you get saved you have it made and that is not the case. God will always be changing you and working on you and we are to expect change on ourselves and our marriages. Things will not always be fun or easy but they will be for the better.
The only thing not changing in the midst of it all is God.
We tend to try to transform our spouses ourselves but only God can do that. Let God change your mate.
The more you reflect Christ, the bigger influence you have on that person.

God controls your Wills and desires if you allow Him to.
Ask God to change your wrong emotions and actions.
And expect God to change your mate.

Sensitivity:
Soft answers turn away wrath.
We face a war of words in our lives.
You can go out to a nice dinner with your spouse or have a great day but words can RUIN everything.
We bring up old baggage and old stories and ruin loving moments because we do not know how to guard our tongues.
Words are like seeds and some times we plant words that are annuals.
Watch your tongue with your mate and guard your words.
Prov. 15:1
When you love your mate you watch your words.
Prov. 25:15
Words have power.
The more you scream your words the more power you think that you have but this is not true bc a soft word can break the bone.
We cannot put our mate down and except them to not live up to what we just called them.

Are your words constructive or destructive?
Prov. 25:5/ 15:28

A righteous person ponders how to answer.
The righteous person responds appropriately and has patience and sensitivity with their tongue.

Availability:
Love is expressed when you are available.
LOVE is spelled TIME!
When you love someone you make time for them.
Control your time.
Control your schedule at work and make sure you are making time for your family.
Concentrate your time when are with your family. Stay off the phone, internet and actually spend time together.
One of the hardest things to do is to be where you are.
When we are at work we take care of home and when we are at home we take care of work.
Turn off distractions when you are together. Channel your time.
Once a year leave with your mate for time for just the 2 of you.
Eph. 4:3

Connectivity:
Each person must take responsibility for developing unity.
There needs to be a healthy connection between the 2 of u.
Interdependence- a hearty connection
Sometimes you are not connecting bc one person is not open to the connection.
You need intimacy- “in to me you see”
Expose yourself to your mate.
Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed, they were bare physically, emotionally, and mentally.
When you are loved it doesn’t matter what they see bc you know that you are loved no matter what.
Do not be afraid to show who you are.
Sometimes you get into a mode where the other person has done you so wrong that you vow to never open up with them again bc you feel to vulnerable but when doing that you drive a wedge between each other deeper and deeper.
Matt. 19:6


Pro-activity:
“Love is best when its an action rather than a reaction.”
Anticipate the needs and desires of your mate.
Don’t just respond to their acts of love.
Plan your acts of love.
In marriage there will be trials, it will come and we need to be proactive.

Remember that silence is a weapon and should not be used in marriage.


None of this can be implemented correctly without Christ. Only He can give us what we need to build a healthy and happy marriage.