How could I be a mother?

So Friday we come home from work around 8 pm like always and I see Bebe (boots) isn’t jumping up and down to see us. She was just dragging her lil legs around to be close to us. I didn’t think much of it. Then she just goes to the couch and lays down and wont come to me when I call her. I get close to her and see that she can barely breathe. She was gasping for air. I try to give her any a # of our different variations of treats and she wont eat or drink anything. So I start to get worried. I hold her close and she is literally gasping for air and it is really, really bad. AWEFUL. She cant hold her head up. She couldn’t get comfortable at all. She looks at me and her eyes start to roll into the back of her head and her eyes turned cloudy and then I start to panic. I start crying and freaking out that my baby is dying. So we try to take her on a walk but she could care less and just can barely walk. You can tell she is in a lot of pain. We get 2 houses down and realize that she is suffering and so turn around and go home. We do not know any vets in town and it is 10pm by this time. So we put her lil body that cant breathe in bed and pray for her all nite. I couldn’t figure out why she was acting like this. It was so weird. She usually acts like this – not nearly this bad- when she eats fertilizer but we hadn’t laid fertilizer for weeks now. So with my potent pregnancy nose I walk to her food and almost pass out. I pick up her bowl and there are maggots and mold in the bowl. I start to think. When we left for the cruise she still had food in her bowl and when we got back it was still there. Our house smelled good when we got back to us and nothing smelled bad at all. Well I just some food on top of the food that was already in there. (this is canned food- not refrigerated) Well apparently that food was no good and had molded while we were gone. So I stand there throwing up and very upset bc if she dies I am the one that killed her bc I was too lazy to clean her food bowl. I felt horrible. How could I possibly almost be a mother if I almost killed my one and only baby?
Well good news is that at 3 am she jumped into our huge and high up bed with me and so that was awesome bc that nite she couldn’t barely jump onto our small couch. So she was better in the morning and by lunch time we got her to eat some chicken. So baby is ok by the grace of God. I know that he saved her bc she was for sure DYING that nite. I just pray to God that she lives to be a big sister to the baby. The baby will love sweet and innocent lil boo boo.